It is a day you hope you will celebrate in the future as a mom. However, until you achieve that dream, it can be emotionally gut wrenching.

Do you just stay in bed or do you garner the inner strength to make the most of the day with your own mother? Do you feel guilty because you want to hide away or do you feel empowered because you rose above the sadness and decided to have a "me" day? There are no right answers -- just the right answer for you.

But wouldn't it be nice if Mother's Day could return to its original mission of honoring all women for the caring and nurturing they provide? How about calling it Nurturing Woman's Day? You don't have to be a mother to be a nurturer. You can be one in your profession as a teacher, social worker or health care professional. Or you can be a great friend, daughter, sister, wife or aunt. 

But until that change occurs, we have compiled some of the best resources featuring advice for M D-Day, written by the infertility community's most knowledgeable experts. Feel free to pick and choose the advice that best suits your needs, from taking your emotional temperature to committing to putting a purpose to your pain to envisioning the future when you are a mom. Again, there are no right or wrong ways to get through the day, only the right way for you.

• RESOLVE: Coping with Mother's Day: Advice from Your Community
• RESOLVE of New England: Three Tips for Surviving Mother's Day From One "Someday Mom" to Another
• The American Fertility Association: Surviving Mother's Day and Father's Day by Judith Kottick, L.C.S.W.
• Liz Falker, The Story Lawyer: What do You Want Mother's Day to Be Like When You Are a Mom?
• The Fertility Authority: Infertility and Mother's Day Coping Strategies/Taking Your Emotional Temperature
• Fertility Within Reach: Strategic Plan for Mother's Day

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW), a milestone that has been observed since RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association lobbied Congress to designate a special week to call public attention to infertility as a medical condition affecting over 7 million Americans.

NIAW has great significance for most people in the infertility community, including physicians. Personally NIAW is a time to be grateful for all that the infertility field has meant to me. As I reflect on how far assisted reproduction has evolved since I first started practicing infertility medicine over three decades ago, I am grateful for choices patients have today.

Thirty years ago options for treatment were limited to surgery, intrauterine inseminations or medications. The births of Louise Brown in England and Elizabeth Carr in the United States were tremendously exciting developments that heralded the growth of in vitro fertilization in the years to come. What was once a breakthrough technology has now become routine.

IVF success rates have more than doubled and tripled. Egg donation has given new hope to women whose own eggs are no longer viable and has made pregnancy a reality for tens of thousands of them. ICSI, intracytoplasmic sperm injection, has been a game changer for male factor infertility. Improved laboratory conditions and advanced embryo screening have further pushed the boundaries of success. Egg, sperm and embryo cryopreservation are allowing young cancer victims the chance to preserve their fertility despite a devastating diagnosis. The perfection of this technology also bodes well for women who want or need to delay child bearing but don’t want to risk not being to use their own genetic material when they are ready.

We’ve come so far from the early days in our field, and we need to make the public and infertility patient population aware of our progress. NIAW provides this type of opportunity.

Practicing in Massachusetts, I also am grateful that most of my patients’ treatment is paid by their health insurance plans. The Massachusetts Infertility Mandate would not have been possible without the hard work and passion of RESOLVE of the Bay State (now RESOLVE New England) volunteers. Patients in Massachusetts and the 13 other states that have some type of mandated insurance coverage can be grateful that much of the financial burden of infertility treatment has been removed for them.

And we are encouraged that the Family Act, a bill introduced in the US Congress that would give a tax credit for infertility treatment, will also be passed in the near future, giving needed assistance to patients nationwide. On Advocacy Day on Wednesday, April 25, fertility advocates from around the country will converge on Washington, D.C., to lobby their elected officials about passage of this bill. NIAW provides this type of opportunity.

I am also grateful for all the emotional and educational support that organizations like RESOLVE of New England provide local men and women struggling with infertility. Through the numerous programs and resources they offer, they are helping my patients and others know that they are not alone in their journey to conceive.

But most importantly, I am grateful for the thousands of patients I have treated during my career who have given me the opportunity to help them fulfill their dreams of building a family. Besides seeing my own family grow and thrive, there is no greater joy than changing peoples’ lives so profoundly.

So even though we still have much work to do as a field in helping individuals to resolve infertility and in making sure everyone has access treatment, what we have accomplished outweighs what we haven’t.

What are you grateful for during National Infertility Awareness Week?

There are many organizations and individuals who have developed creative ways to recognize this important week. Here is what some of the most important infertility support organizations have planned with ways you can participate:

RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association

NIAW is spearheaded by RESOLVE, which was responsible for Congress designating this week for the infertility community. The yearly highlight of NIAW is Advocacy Day on Wednesday, April 25, where RESOLVE volunteers from around the country gather in Washington, D.C., to lobby, grass roots style, with their elected representatives on Capital Hill in order to encourage the passage of the The Family Act, which would provide a tax credit for infertility treatment.

Read more about the "We Will Not Be Ignored" theme of the 2012 observance.

RESOLVE of New England

RNE has planned a slew of local events including fundraisers, online support groups and presentations on a variety of topics. 

The Infertility Voice

If you are on Facebook, choose one of 24 specially designed NIAW Timeline Covers. There is sure to be one just right for you.

The American Fertility Association

The AFA has designed a special infertility awareness stamp for NIAW. It is encouraging everyone to pick up a pen and write a "love letter" to someone experiencing infertility. Let them know how much you want to support them and mail the letter with one of these beautiful stamps.

If you are on Twitter, the hash tag is #NIAW2012!

If you're not familiar with Circle + Bloom, we highly suggest you look at its Website and all its product offerings.  Creator Joanne Verkullin has fashioned a variety of audio programs for fertility, women's health, pregnancy and child birth, all designed to help you discover your mind-body connection. For fertility, Circle + Bloom has products such as PCOS for Fertility, IUI/IVF, and natural cycle IVF. Other popular creations include Happy Mind for Healthy Body, PCOS for Healthy Pregnancy, and Baby Energy and Sleep.

The infertility journey can take a lot away from you, so give yourself a gift by learning relaxation and mind-body techniques that will help bring you peace of mind while helping RESOLVE of New England at the same time.

Cardone Reproductive Medicine and Infertility will have an exhibit table, as well as be participating in some of the seminars available for intended parents.

If you are in the region, we hope to see you there!

There is a lot of good material on the Web about how infertility patients should celebrate the day. Remember, you're in your baby making journey because of love  -- love as a couple, if you are part of one; love for your future child or children; and self love, which is so important if you want to fulfill the other two types of loves. Also if you need third party reproduction, don't forget to send some love to all those who are egg, sperm and embryo donors and surrogates.

Here is a listing of some of the better articles we have found:

About Fertility: It's National Donor Day: Thank to Egg Donors, Sperm Donors, Embryo Donors and Surrogates

Fertility Authority: Valentines Day: The Focus is on Love

The American Fertility Association: A Cautionary Tale for Infertility Patients: Does Valentine's Day Stink?

Fertility Authority: IVF: Incredible Valentine's Day Fantasy!

Enjoy the day and remember to love the one you're with all the time -- yourself!

This one-day program is for those who are considering donor egg and/or donor egg/surrogacy as family building options. The program will provide you with “how-tos” and cover the medical, ethical, emotional, legal, and parenting issues of these family building choices. Meet others who are considering this choice and also speak with those who are currently parenting children through donor egg. 

In addition to Dr. Cardone and Daniele Cardone, other expert presenters include Amy Demma, Law Offices of Amy Demma, attorney Michael Grant, and mental health therapist Ellen Glazer, LICSW.

For more information or to register, contact RESOLVE of New England.

From the RESOLVE of New England Website:

9:00–10:30 a.m.

Session 1: Preparing the Way for Egg Donation and/or Surrogacy

This session covers the medical overview of the egg donor and surrogacy process, and information about screening and the coordination with the recipient. Known and anonymous donors will be discussed. Speaker: Vito Cardone, MD, Medical Director, Cardone Reproductive Medicine & Infertility

10:30–11:30 a.m.

Session 2: Finding a Donor and Gestational Carrier

Finding a donor / surrogate using an agency, how the process works, and the costs involved. Speaker: Daniele Cardone, BSN, Egg Donation and Gestational Carrier Coordinator, Cardone Reproductive Medicine & Infertility

11:45–12:45 p.m.

Session 3: Legal Issues and Contracts /p>

Legal issues will be covered. Speaker: Michael Grant, Attorney at Law

12:45–2:00 p.m. 

Lunch: You are welcome to bring your own lunch. A list of local restaurants will be provided. Informal brown-bag luncheon discussion on family building through donor egg and surrogacy will be offered.

2:00–2:30 p.m. 

Session 4: Donor Sperm

Finding a donor, how the process works and the costs involved. Speaker: Amy Demma, JD, Law Offices of Amy Demma, P.C.

2:30-3:30 p.m.

Session 5: Psychosocial Issues

Psychosocial Issues: A therapist discusses the emotional issues for men and women, and the ethical issues to consider. Secrecy vs. privacy will be discussed and deciding how/when to talk with your child and others about donor egg / surogacy. Speaker: Ellen Glazer, LICSW< /p>

3:45–5:00 p.m. 

Session 6:  Group discussion about the issues

Recipient Parents Speak: A panel consisting of parents through donor egg and surrogacy will talk about their experiences and answer questions. Included will be a discussion of how parents talk with children about their origins. Speaker: Ellen Glazer, LICSW

Do you need financial assistance? Click here for more information on our Lisa Fenn Gordenstein Access Scholarships.

Thank you to Circle + Bloom for allowing us to be part of its Advocacy for Women’s Health series. We are honored to contribute our views.

As infertility nurse specialists, we understand how important it is for patients to be their own best advocate. No one knows you better than yourself, so if something does not make sense or does not feel right, then we encourage you to speak up.

Infertility treatment can be complicated with various tests and procedures. It also can be an emotional roller coaster of highs and lows. Many patients feel they have lost control with a process that seems to come naturally for friends and relatives. So becoming an advocate for yourself can be one way of regaining a sense that you still are in charge of your body and emotions.

Though there is not one road map to follow for being your own advocate, here are a few recommendations we advise all our patients to follow:

Ask questions

Your parents and teachers probably told you there is no such thing as a stupid question. Well, they were right. We realize you probably have lots of questions, so don’t be afraid to ask them. Whether it is during your morning monitoring sessions, instructional phone call or an office visit, we always hope you feel comfortable with us to ask what is on your mind.

Educate yourself

Remember the well-known saying from Sims, the Boston-area clothing store: An educated consumer is our best customer? We feel the same way about educated patients. Being prepared and knowledgeable are two important characteristics for being your own best health care advocate.

We highly recommend that you educate yourself by reading our instructional materials so you know what to expect during procedures and treatments. It is especially important that you and your partner know how to properly administer your medications. We can suggest books, videos and Websites that will be helpful. We even have a list of great resources on our Website.

We urge you to visit these sites. Of course patient beware: not everything your read on the Internet is reliable, which is why you should start with this list of Websites.

Involve your partner

If you have a partner, involve him or her. There is no need for you to shoulder the emotional burden of infertility by yourself. After all, you are trying to have a baby so you can build your family with each other.

Don’t be afraid to seek emotional support if you need it

Joining a support group or seeking the advice of an infertility counselor are two very helpful coping tools. We can provide a list of therapists in the area and your insurance may cover some or all of the sessions.

Additionally, support groups can be a great way to talk to fellow patients about the common emotional issues you face, learn from each other about how to better cope with the challenges of infertility and find comfort in meeting people who are walking in your shoes. In fact, Cardone Reproductive Medicine and Infertility is starting our own group on Monday, January 10 at 6:30PM at our Stoneham offices. You can also check with RESOLVE of New England to learn about other groups or even to become a peer support leader.

Find ways to relax and relieve stress

Relaxation and stress reduction are essential for the mind, body and spirit. Take a long walk, get a massage or facial, or read a good book. The bottom line: take some time for yourself. Additionally there are many options available that have proven health benefits, including yoga and mind/body relaxation techniques. Circle + Bloom has a wonderful series of audio guides that are appropriate for many stages of your infertility cycle, as well as for specific conditions like PCOS. Cardone Reproductive Medicine and Infertility is an affiliate of Circle + Bloom and highly recommends them.

We hope you find some or all of these methods helpful. Have questions? We’re waiting to answer them.

But there is every reason to feel hopeful as 2012 approaches. You can take charge of the way you feel about your infertility. As Corey Whelan, program director for The American Fertility Association, explains in this insightful article, 2012 provides an opportunity to develop a new you who can can meet the challenges of infertility head one.

A new year, a new you.

Easier said than felt, particularly for women who have spent the last year (or longer) trying to get pregnant, without success.

Let's face it, we often experience Infertility as a powerful enemy.. And one of this most hated enemy's weapons is it's ability to diminish the feeling of control that we so covet, even require, in our own lives.

While it's true that you may not be able to eradicate infertility at will from your own life, you can absolutely opt to disable this element of the experience and to achieve more balance, and control, than you currently may be experiencing.  And you have the right to do that.  Believe it or not, you have an arsenal at your finger tips.  You simply need to call it up, and now is a good time to practice doing that.  While every woman's arsenal will vary somewhat, there are a few handy dandy items you should always tote around in yours.

Laugh. 

Ever hear the expression "fake it till you make it"?  There's nothing wrong with having fun, and joy in your life. It's not fattening and it won't stop you from getting pregnant.  Funny movies and television shows are more than just a diversion. They are often a life saver.  Pick your pleasure, and pick it often.

Talk. 

It's no secret that infertility puts a strain on the hardiest of relationships. You may be feeling this in your romantic life, your family life and your friendships.  But always remember, you are loved, even if you may not be feeling an avalanche of the kind of support you need coming at you from friends and family right now.  Something that might help is this.  Enlist the shoulder of the person that you feel is best armed to support you through this piece of your life, and request of him or her an oasis of time, just for you, on a daily basis to simply talk.  This is your opportunity to dump, to scream, to cry, to blurt out everything you are feeling without judgement or even that person's opinions or comments (unless you request them).  If you need to enlist more than one person, that's ok.  And if no one comes to mind but this sounds like something you could use, well, that's what therapists are for.

Choose.  

Not everyone will be able to hang in there with you through this time.  It doesn't mean they don't care about you or you about them.  But you have the right to choose who you spend time with and who you don't.  If you can't handle that annual family get together or party, then don't go.  Baby showers?  Up to you.  And, if you get a nagging feeling that a friend is not able, or willing to support you through this right now, gently put a hiatus on the friendship. You're in control, remember?  Exercise that control.

Move.  

Movement displaces anxiety.  Take a walk, take a run, take a yoga class, but take your body to a transformative place by giving it time to breathe, and heal, through movement.  Your body, despite it's current trying to conceive and not getting there state, is still an instrument of joy, and pleasure.  Let it be that for you.

Touch. 

You have the right to enjoy your sex life.  Baby making sex is not the only kind of sex there is, remember?  Find creative ways to get back in touch with that, and then, find some more.

Thank. 

Think about what you have in your life to be grateful for and give thanks for that.  You are still you, and there is more to you than this experience.  Try giving thanks for what you currently have.  If this feels too difficult for you right now, let it go for a day, or two. Consider it a goal for tomorrow.  But hold onto this one, it's a goal worth achieving.

Remember. 

Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is a new day.  Your life will not always feel like this.  Remember to be kind to yourself and to hold on to all of the tomorrows, and all of the dreams, that are still ahead of you.

Happy New Year to all of the women who so want to be mommies but who are not there yet. I hope that 2012 will be your year.

So for next year, our wish is that you still believe in miracles, including the miracle of modern infertility medicine and assisted reproductive technology. And as Infertile Naomi, writer of 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility so wisely wrote: "Whether you celebrate Christmas/Kwanzaa/Chanukah or Festivus, don’t let infertility ruin another holiday for you. You’ve wasted too many tears and too many special moments already. It’s time to celebrate your life right now."

Many women, however, mistakenly believe that if they look and feel good that their ovaries have correspondingly not aged. It does not help that Hollywood perpetuates this myth with endless publicity about how beautiful, fit stars have had babies "naturally" in their mid and late 40's without admitting they may have needed assistance. Fortunately assisted reproductive medicine is providing opportunities for getting pregnant for those who decide it is better late than never and want to fast track their dream of motherhood.

So what are the options available to midlife women who don't want to give up their dreams of motherhood? What are their chances of conceiving both naturally and with treatment using their own eggs? When should they turn to third party options like egg donation and/or surrogacy? For younger women, is egg freezing a viable path?

Dr. Cardone had the opportunity to appear on The Fertility Forum Radio Show on Monday, December 5 to answer these questions and others. He and host Phyllis Martin, M.Ed, LPC, had a lively discussion about the many pathways to motherhood for women in this age group. Dr. Cardone talked about diagnostic tests available to better pinpoint whether a woman will be able to move forward successfully with treatment with her own eggs as well as if and when she should pursue egg donation and/or surrogacy.

Listen to the entire interview by downloading the MP3.

Have questions or want to contact us? Click here.

Fortunately, there are lots of great resources from patient support organizations, infertility providers and TTC bloggers, so you can pick and choose what makes sense for you. Want to skip those family get togethers with all the nieces and nephews? Give yourself permission to do so without feeling guilty. But if you choose to attend these functions, be prepared with an "elevator speech" if you're asked by clueless, but well-intentioned relatives about your family building plans. This way you can reveal as much or as little information as you want without being caught off guard.

Thinking of escaping by going on a holiday getaway with the hubby? This may be the perfect time for you and your partner to rekindle your relationship in a new locale, even if it is a budget-minded "stayvacation" in a local hotel.  On the other hand, maybe you'll find new found joy in the season by staying put and focusing on helping others less fortunate than yourself. There are so many charities that need your help at this time of year and will appreciate your contribution.

These are only a few of the strategies you can use to make the holidays more manageable. Also remember there are many others experiencing the same feelings, so take advantage of your clinic support services and local RESOLVE groups. Though it seems that the holiday season starts earlier each year because of industrious retailers (no, you're not imagining this), it too will pass and soon the promise of a new year will be in the air. 

In the meantime, here are a few must-reads from our Infertility Holiday Survival Guide:

• Parent Dish: Tips for Facing Infertility During the Holidays

• About.com/Infertility: Coping with the Holiday Blues
• Interview with Erin Lasker, executive director of RESOLVE of New England, on The Fertility Forum Radio Show
• Fertility Authority: Five Ways to Cope With Infertility During the Holidays

What are your best holiday coping techniques? Please let us know your suggestions so we can add to this list.

Thanks to the initiative of one of our patients, we are starting an infertility support group at Cardone Reproductive Medicine and Infertility that will meet in the evening at our offices.

Some of you may be wondering if this would be the right type of group for you to join. Infertility can be such a private, personal struggle for so many, that it is hard to think about sharing your thoughts and feelings with strangers. Some of you may not have even told your closest friends or family members about this important part of your life. So revealing your emotions to strangers may seem incomprehensible. But these aren't any strangers, they are fellow patients who are walking the same path you are in your infertility journey.

Benefits to Joining an Infertility Support Group

RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association has some interesting reading material on its Website about the benefits of joining a support group, as well as what you can expect if you participate in one. Some people find support groups helpful because:

• They are faced with a difficult decision.
• They are in a transition period with treatment, such as moving to third party options.
• They have undergone a major loss.

The article also debunks three important myths:

1) A support group is not a therapy session, but it is an opportunity to talk to others who will understand what you are experiencing.

2) You won't have to bare your soul; you should only reveal what you feel comfortable sharing.

3) Instead of feeling worse about your situation, you'll find support from peers and learn new coping methods.

We hope you consider joining our group. If you are interested, please see the practice administrator, Gail Hendrickson or email her at gailh@cardonrepromed.com.

As always, we strive to give you tips and suggestions about how to cope more effectively during the especially difficult times of the year. Though in reality, any day can be difficult when you have not fulfilled one of the most important goals of your life. For those of you who need a little help from your friends, here is a great article from Corey Whelan, program manager of The American Fertility Association: I am my own candy: Halloween tips for the TTC. Corey not only writes very informative and well-written articles on a variety of infertility and reproductive topics for The AFA, but underwent her own infertility battles with PCOS before she had her twins, who are now teenagers. So she knows what she is talking about when it comes to coping. It is okay to give yourself permission to feel badly about Halloween, but also try to use one or two of the suggestions Corey has described. After all, you are your own candy!

At Cardone Reproductive Medicine and Infertility, we applaud the efforts of the many philanthropic organizations devoted to raising awareness about breast cancer, as well as which provide the most up-to-date information about prevention and treatment while also raising money to find a cure.

It is important that female infertility patients remember to annually still see their primary care physician or OB/GYN to be evaluated about their breast health. Often during the daily, weekly and monthly grind of infertility treatment, it is easy to forget to make those "other medical" appointments like a physical or a mammogram. 

We would also like to remind our readers about some of the many great organizations that were formed to help men and women who have been diagnosed with infertility, but want to preserve their fertility. Egg, sperm and embryo freezing all are methods that cancer patients can utilize before treatment, if this is medically appropriate.

• Fertile Hope
• Fertile Action

I've started to write this more times than I can count, and every time I try, it just seems to come out as not enough; not enough sincerity; not enough gratitude, not enough heartfelt thanks, not enough of the true emotion we feel for what you have done for us!

When we first tried to get pregnant, we, like so many others, never imagined we would have fertility troubles. We were young; we were healthy; we never knew anyone who had had problems conceiving. As the months drew on and on, we knew we needed help, and that was when we decided to get help from Dr. Cardone. After a few months of clomid and one IUI, we had an IUI cycle converted midway through to an IVF. It was on that conversion cycle, our first IVF ever, that we got pregnant and had our daughter. That was in 2006.

After we had her, we knew we wanted a sibling as soon as possible. We were convinced, again, that we would not need help getting pregnant. Everyone had told us stories about how they had such troubles with child number one and then were able to conceive child #2 without any difficulties. We tried for a year without any luck. Still determined to not have to go the fertility route, I tried acupuncture and herbal medicine to see if that would help. Months went by and still nothing.

So we decided it was time we again needed help. We made the decision at that time go to another clinic closer to our house because we knew juggling the early morning monitoring with a toddler at home and work schedules was going to be a challenge in and of itself without the additional driving time. This decision would cost us years and immeasurable emotional heartache and suffering. We were so determined to not give up our dream of having a sibling for our daughter that we kept sticking with it, attempt after failed attempt. There were many times we questioned why were putting ourselves through it and and many times I questioned whether the doctors were doing everything possible to help us.

But we were not going to give up. After 18 failed fertility cycles, we decided that it was time to seek a second opinion. We felt as though there had to be something these doctors were missing, something they were or weren't doing that was preventing us from getting pregnant. After all, we had gotten pregnant before, on our first IVF attempt. That was when we decided to come back to you, Dr. Cardone. To say it was our last ditch effort would not be far from the truth. We knew we could not go on forever putting our family through this and we were hoping for our miracle. After just our consultation with you, we felt renewed hope; you looked at our previous cycles and immediately pointed out things you would do differently; medicine doses you would adjust, egg retrievals a few days later than done before. We knew instantly we owed it to ourselves and to our family to give it one more try. And thank goodness we did, because you did what so many other fertility specialists could not; you again got us pregnant on the first IVF attempt.

I sit here writing this holding my now five week old son filled with so much love and so much thanks for everyone at Cardone Reproductive Medicine and Infertility.

 My whole life I have dreamed of being a mother,  of having a family, of having children I would try to teach things to, but who in the end would teach me so much more! I would not be here, living this life that i have dreamed of, if it was not for you. I feel so blessed to have two wonderful kids thanks to your hard work and dedication to your profession. You truly are the BEST and I will forever sing your praises. "Thank you" will never be enough. I could never articulate what you mean to us!! You have given us our family and our family is our whole world. I know that this letter could really never be "enough," but how can anything compare to that which you have given us.......EVERYTHING!!!

 With our deepest gratitude and love,

Of course, surrogates get paid and compensated for their time and effort, but when you add all the minutes and hours over the course of nine months of pregnancy plus the time required to get pregnant through in vitro fertilization, you know intuitively they are motivated by far more compelling and important factors.

At Cardone Reproductive Medicine and Infertility, we salute the selfless women who nurture and protect their surro babies. Some pursue surrogacy because they've always wanted to make a difference in the world. Others want to help a friend or family member. Many want to help gay men experience the joy of parenthood. Whatever their individual reason is, we thank all surrogate mothers for the wonderful gift they are bestowing on intended parents who can not achieve their dreams without their help.

Babble.com recently published the profiles of five women who articulated the reasons they chose to become surrogates. This is fascinating information and we hope you take the time to read it.

Would you carry a stranger’s baby? How about your sister’s? Over the last few years, surrogacy has entered our pop culture zeitgeist, with stars like Nicole Kidman and Sarah Jessica Parker using surrogates to complete their families. But surrogacy remains one of the least talked about tools in the fight against infertility. Why do surrogates do what they do? What do they get out of it? And how hard is it to give a child to its parents after having it in your womb for 9 months? Here are five women’s stories about their experience with surrogacy.

“We’re not rich people ... but it’s one way our family can give back in a really big way.” — Rayven Perkins, 32, Austin, Texas, married, mother to a 10-year-old girl and 11-year-old boy.

I have been a surrogate mother three times (twins in February 2007 and a little boy in June 2008), and I’m about to give birth this month to my fourth surrogate baby. The best part is knowing you did this for the right reasons when you deliver the baby and the parents finally see him or her. But there are a lot of sacrifices a surrogate makes. There are hormone shots that my husband had to help me take for three months, prior to the transfer and then almost through the first trimester. With varying state laws on surrogacy, you may have to stay in state. My husband had to turn down a promotion in another state, and I missed Christmas with my in-laws during my 3rd trimester with twins because my doctor said I couldn’t travel.

I'm one of the fortunate people that is “good” at being a surrogate mother. Every embryo that doctors have transferred has ended with a full-term healthy baby. That’s rare. After my first time as a surrogate, I waited three years and worked on my surrogacy website and wanted to do it one more time. Addicting is not the right word, but the ability to help someone else is a very good feeling.

[As for handing the baby off] I knew instinctually that I'm not an attached type of person. I always viewed surrogacy as a long babysitting project. I'm going to give birth any day now and I'm excited that the parents will be there. It’s not sad for me at all. I have no regrets whatsoever — I'm just glad I was able to participate. We’re not rich people. We’ll never donate a wing of a hospital, but it’s one way our family can give back to our world in a really big way. Without our assistance, there would be four less children in the world. We are showing our own children how to be generous and how to sacrifice for others.

“The hardest part was when they took the baby from me.” — Robin Kaufer, 50, Seattle, Washington, divorced, 9-year-old girl and 7-year-old boy

I was a gestational carrier for a friend whose child is now three. I had gone through fertility treatments on my own as a single mom. At 40, I turned to in vitro to have my kids. [A friend and I were talking] and she said her sister couldn’t carry a pregnancy, and I said I’d do it.

It took me four tries, and I was surprised they wanted to try the fourth time. Losing three pregnancies was hard on me. But the toughest part was when they took the baby from me. I was cavalier through the whole process ... until they physically left, and hormonally I went nuts for a week and a half. It really ripped me apart, which took me by surprise.

My kids seemed to understand that this was Karen and Larry's baby, and they seemed to be fine with it. Our family was also created from different means and they understood that families come to be in many different ways. I would do it again if I weren’t so old. I think because I had had my own fertility problems, it made me feel very good to do it.

“The hardest part was shouldering the burden of infertility.” — Kymberli Barney, 33, Hinesville, Georgia, married with girl/boy twins, 10, an 8-year-old boy and a 4-year-old daughter

My husband and I initially had trouble conceiving. Once the problem was figured out I got pregnant easily — and surrogacy was a way of paying it forward because as far as infertility we got off easy. Even as a child, I was fascinated by childbirth and thought about being an obstetrician. I always wanted to be pregnant, and it hurt when it didn’t come easily for me.

When I delivered the baby by surrogate [in 2007], that was magical. But it wasn’t just one moment. There was the first time my intended mom put her hand on my belly and felt her son move and that look in her eyes. And then the moment of the delivery, when the intended father laid eyes on his son for the first time. I felt like I had really done something that mattered for someone else.

Since then I have been actively involved and matched four times, but it never worked out again. We’ve had several cycles with both couples that resulted in miscarriages due to poor egg quality. By last August I was physically and mentally exhausted, so I decided to “retire,” and I'm there now to help others. The hardest part for me was shouldering a lot of the burden of infertility for the sake of the parent. You have to consider what they’ve already been through and how it has affected them. I appreciated the fact that they entrusted me to have their children. It is hard when it doesn’t work. I was able to compartmentalize my feelings very well, yet every time there was an early miscarriage or a failed transfer I felt sad — but not for myself. Sure, the process is happening to my body but having to watch my friends take in another dose of bad news was what really hurt.
More on Surrogacy:

“Some people do it for the money...but for me it’s also about the activism.” — Kelly Rummelhart, 36, Gridley, California, married, 9-year-old girl and 7 and 4-year-old boys

I remember in high school I had a friend that was gay and I wondered how he would have a baby. At the same time, a straight couple on Days of Our Lives had a baby by surrogate. I thought that was amazing, and I wanted to do that for someone. Then once I had my own kids, I thought how happy I was having my kids and couldn’t imagine what it would be like for someone who couldn’t have babies.

I knew I wanted to work with a gay couple and [I found] Growing Generations. They were known for [helping] gay couples. Some people do it for the money, or they always wanted to do it, but for me it’s also about the activism. I think it’s ridiculous that gay men can’t get married and in some states can’t adopt. I don’t have a million dollars to donate to these causes, but I do have a working uterus. I’ve delivered two sets of twins for two gay couples. When others have found out that my couples were gay they haven’t really said anything to my face, but I'm sure there is talk behind my back.

[My first couple] lived only three hours away and wanted me to be a part of their lives, so we see the girls every 8-12 weeks. I remember when I was in the delivery room the first time, and the twins met their Grandma, and she was bawling and hugging me ... I was like omigosh. It is so utterly amazing and life altering. It is like being on a drug. Who wouldn’t want to do that again? When Growing Generations asked me if I would do this again I said yes. I asked my husband and he said do whatever you want to do. You need [your family’s] support.

The way that I explain it to people is for nine months I'm babysitting. I wouldn’t rub my baby and talk to it the same way. So with my second couple, who didn’t live as close, I would play belly buds and put them on my belly. I had the guys record their favorite songs and play it for their babies. For me, I don’t think there are any worst parts. I had really easy pregnancies. If people hate pregnancy, they’re probably not going to do this for anyone else.

“Giving something is as important as receiving something.” — Natasha Skinner, 37, Annapolis, Maryland, married, 14-year-old son and 11-, 8-, 5- and 2-year-old daughters
I was a surrogate for my sister-in-law, my husband's brother’s wife. She has cystic fibrosis so she could not carry a child, but they could genetically create a healthy baby with her egg and his sperm.
It was important for my husband that we had family support, especially if I wasn’t feeling well. We already had five kids so if that meant making a meal or driving a kid somewhere, other family members stepped in. My mother-in-law helped tremendously. And my sister-in-law’s family helped, mostly by providing meals or by watching the kids when I went to the grocery store to get food.

The hardest part was the shots. Nobody ever really talks about that. That was a daily thing, twice a day, and they were painful. Also, just not feeling great was hard. With my own pregnancies I felt fine after 13 weeks, but for this one, it was 19 weeks. However, I would do it again if I were younger. But I probably wouldn’t do it for someone who wasn’t a family member. Fortunately for me, it’s my nephew — I can see him and I know how he is doing.

Really the best part was at the end when they received their baby, just to see the joy and happiness. When John and Kelly came in, I thought she was going to faint. You could just see that they were elated. It was very special, and it absolutely brought us closer. Giving something is as important as receiving something.

September is officially designated as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) Awareness Month. Many of the patients we see at Cardone Reproductive Medicine and Infertility have PCOS, a condition that is characterized by irregular periods and ovulation, weight gain, excessive hair growth, acne and multiple ovarian cysts as seen on an ultrasound. Higher percentages of this condition are found in African-American females (8%) and Latinas (13%) than among Caucasians (4.8%).

Some other features of PCOS are increased production of both estrogen and the male hormone androgen, as well as insulin resistance. Doctors consider women to have PCOS when two out of three of these factors are present:

• Irregular periods and anovulation
• Hyperandrogenism (excessive secretion of the male hormone androgen that can result in increased growth of body hair); and/or
• Polycystic ovaries.

Lifestyle Changes

Obesity is a common symptom with 50% of PCOS sufferers being overweight. Ten percent of PCOS patients have Type 2 diabetes. Small to moderate weight loss will restore menstrual cycles and help PCOS sufferers ovulate to eventually achieve pregnancy. Weight loss also helps to decrease insulin resistance and moderates other health risks, making it easier to achieve pregnancy. Doctors usually recommend lifestyle modification with proper nutrition and increased exercise to achieve the ideal BMI (body mass index).

PCOS and Infertility

PCOS also affects infertility, but is very treatable through a combination of medication, dietary and lifestyle changes and if necessary, IVF. Whether you want to get pregnant or not, PCOS still should be treated to avoid future health complications like cardiovascular disease, endometrial cancer or diabetes.

At CRMI, we want to do our part to raise awareness. Here are a few resources you might find helpful if you are dealing with PCOS:

• Corey Whelan, program director and health educator, The American Fertility Association: September is PCOS Awareness Month.
• Keiko Zoll, Infertility Advocate: The Voices of PCOS: A Three-Part Series on PCOS Featuring Bloggers
• My PCOS Treatment: a new Website for women and their families and friends to connect to the online PCOS communities and to find information, blogs, links, forums and hopefully the start of a solid foundation of support.

His book "Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families – and America" provides his perspective on the many changes that have occurred in the adoption field, including the drop in international adoptions, policy and practice changes, gay/lesbian adoption and the use of social media, to name a few of the issues it studies.

This looks like it will be a wonderfully informative event for those who are considering adoption as part of their family building plans. 

For further information, please download the attached flyer. Adam Pertman Event 10.6.11.pdf

One of most knowledgeable women in the egg donation field is someone who has been exactly in that place. She is Marna Gatlin, founder and director of Parents Via an Egg Donation, a resource for intended and current parents who have or will use donated eggs to build their family.

Marna has become a regular blogger for The Fertility Authority and we think you will find real insight and helpful information from her blogs. Read it here at The Fertility Authority.

Are We Selfish to Use Donor Eggs?

Yesterday I read a strongly worded article about the rights of donor conceived children. In this article the following quote jumped out at me and landed heavily upon my spirit: “Someone else's child is not a ''cure'' for infertility, and no one, whether gay, straight, single, married, young or old, should be entitled to such a child — despite current thinking to the contrary — especially when that child's own human rights are ignored.”

Someone else’s child is not a cure for infertility ... Whoa. Someone else’s child — I am still reeling at that statement. That’s a pretty big declaration to be making. Is that really what the world thinks when we use donor eggs to create our family? The article went on to state that egg donors are parting with their own children, without any concern for their future welfare.

Really? Are egg donors parting with their children? I personally don’t think so. I think egg donors want to help the infertile.
What I do agree with is that a child should know his or her origin from day one. There should be no secrets between parents and their children. This information shouldn’t be a big secret — it should just be a fact of their life and not something they can look back on and say “On my 15th birthday my parents told me that I was conceived via egg donation.” I think this is something they should always know, and we as parents should follow the adoption model which is to tell often and early.

When we delve into anonymous egg donation or directed egg donation (known egg donation) it becomes a gray area and complicated. (And really what about third party reproduction isn’t complicated to some degree?) Many clinics and agencies still operate on a completely anonymous basis. And, for a myriad of reasons, many intended parents prefer anonymous egg donation.

So to ask a really hard question “Where does this leave the child?” When I look back to the time I had my child via egg donation I had no choice. My clinic offered anonymous egg donation period. The only way a patient was allowed directed egg donation (known egg donation) was if it was a friend or a family member. Selecting an egg donor, seeing her photo, and meeting her was unheard of back in 2000. And so we, of course, complied and participated quite willingly in an anonymous egg donor cycle. To be very fair, back then I wasn’t comfortable with knowing or seeing my egg donor.

Needless to say, today I have come full circle. I’d embrace the ability to see her, meet her, talk with her and learn more about her for my son’s sake as well as mine. But back to the original point of my post — Am I selfish for wanting to be a parent so badly that I resorted to using donor eggs to create my family? I can tell you I was desperate to be a mother. I had suffered more losses than anyone should ever have to in their lives; I just wanted to be a mother in the very worst way. So if that makes me selfish — sue me.

Did I see the forest through the trees, meaning did I see down the road 10 or 20 years? No, of course not. I didn’t have a crystal ball. I did the best with the information that I had. Most importantly, is my child suffering because of my choices? Absolutely not. My child is happy and healthy, physically, emotionally and spiritually. He has both feet firmly rooted regarding who he is. And he will tell you he’s my son whose mom loves him very very much, and all of this hooey regarding DNA and genetics is just overly dramatic and ridiculous. He loves his life, and he’s glad he’s here. And to me that’s all that matters.

Keiko Zoll, also known as @MiriamsHope on Twitter, writes a popular blog, HannahWeptSarahLaughed, and recently became social media and communications director for RESOLVE of New England. Keiko is perhaps best known for producing the award-winning "What IF (We Don't Give Up Hope)" video for RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association during National Infertility Awareness Week in 2010. Keiko was diagnosed with primary ovarian insufficiency (formerly known as premature ovarian failure) in 2009 at age 26, just three months after her first wedding anniversary. Keiko can also be found on Facebook as Keiko Zoll Infertility Advocate, an apt title for a woman who puts her heart and soul into speaking up and out about infertility. She lives in Salem with her husband and adorable cats.

Phoebe Potts has chronicled her still unresolved infertility story in a unique way: via the graphic novel Good Eggs. This comic book memoir has received critical acclaim for its distinctive style and refreshing viewpoint. Phoebe grew up in Brooklyn and then in Martha’s Vineyard. A graduate of Smith College, she received her MFA from the Maine College of Art in Portland. She lives with her husband, artist Jeffrey Marshall, in Gloucester, Massachusetts.

We highly suggest you get to know both of these women. Please visit their Websites, subscribe to Keiko's blog and, if you can, buy Phoebe's book. Keiko even recently reviewed Good Eggs, so you can read her take on it.

So get to know two of your North Shore neighbors. You'll find you have more in common than you thought.

Naturally there are indications that are very straightforward, such as premature ovarian failure when there are no more eggs in the ovaries or when the ovaries have been surgically or medically destroyed from chemotherapy or radiation therapy.

However, those diagnoses are probably the least frequent reasons for using egg donation. We most frequently see women over the age of 40 who usually have a limited egg reserve and/or produce very few eggs after ovarian stimulation. Even though it is true that you only need one egg and one sperm to create a successful pregnancy, the reality is much more complicated. Eggs are not continuously renewed in the ovary. In fact, quite the opposite occurs. Eggs die in the ovaries when females are still in their mother’s womb. From the fifth month of gestation to birth, millions of eggs already are lost and this continues throughout reproductive life. Unfortunately, this is not the full story. Not only are there fewer and fewer eggs as the ovaries advance in age, but the remaining eggs also age. They become abnormal and, therefore, not capable of producing a normal pregnancy. For example, eggs obtained from the ovaries of women who are 45 years or older have upwards of an 80-90% chance of being abnormal. This last point is the most important reason why IVF success rates are so poor for women in the 40 plus age range as their ovaries age.

So the main question we face is: after how many treatment cycles should the couple resort to donor eggs? The answer is not easy and it definitely and ABSOLUTELY needs to be individualized.

As clinicians we need to examine many factors. First, we must review all cycles the patient underwent to look at the ovarian response. A patient who produces many eggs will have a higher chance of having a normal egg among them. We also assess what the embryos look like. Naturally, there is a higher chance of success when there are larger numbers of embryos, as well as more high-grade embryos. On the rare occasion when we have many embryos that look good, genetic testing on the embryos (PGS) may help us define their normality and the probability of success.

Many clinical variables can influence the decision-making process regarding proceeding with egg donation. But patients also need to look at the psychological aspects of using a gamete donor to determine if this is emotionally right for them. We suggest speaking to a mental health therapist who specializes in infertility and third party reproduction and who can help them weigh the pros and cons of choosing this path to parenthood.

One of the most important steps an infertility specialist can take is to help patients navigate through all the information they are presented. By providing my patients with all available options and their realistic success rates, I am equipping them with the ability to make their own decision.

Some patients need to leave no stone unturned and will want to go through treatments using their own eggs even though they are aware of the very low chances of success. It is important to respect their wishes. Other will just opt to go directly to egg donation because of the much better success rates. It is never an easy decision, regardless of their choice. But we are here to educate and support them.

Dr. Vito Cardone, M.D., is founder and medical director of his third infertility clinic in the U.S., Cardone Reproductive Medicine and Infertility (www.cardonerepromed.com) in Stoneham, MA. Dr. Cardone received his medical and infertility training in Canada and France, but has been practicing in the U.S. since the late 1980’s. His career is highlighted by several firsts, including heading the team that achieved the first donor egg pregnancy in New England. Fluent in Spanish, Italian, French and English, Dr. Cardone has earned a reputation for successfully treating all patients with honesty and compassion.

Dr. Cardone:

I wanted to thank you for helping make my dream of being a mother into a reality. My two beautiful girls arrived on April 11 and I couldn't be happier. They are truly a miracle!

I believe this would not have been possible without your help. When other doctors said that there was no chance of me ever having children, I didn't want to give up hope. You gave me the hope to continue on my journey. You are a very compassionate person and it really helps when a person is going through infertility, with all its ups and downs, to have a caring doctor. Also, your staff was always very helpful, friendly and supportive if I had questions or concerns.

Sincerely,

A Grateful Patient

Our fervent wish is that you will be able to send us such a letter -- by snail mail or email, it does not matter! -- soon.

Many same sex couples have been able to experience the "love" part of the familiar rhyme, but its the "marriage" and "baby carriage" parts that have been harder for them to achieve. But thanks to the miracle of assisted reproductive technologies and fertility treatments, many gay men and lesbian women have been able to become biological parents. At Cardone Reproductive Medicine and Infertility, we are proud to be able to help them achieve those dreams. For same sex couples in New York State, their state legislators and Governor Andrew Cuomo bravely took the step of legalizing same-sex marriage, making New York the largest state where gay and lesbian couples will be able to wed. New York joins states like Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont and Washington, D.C., where gay marriage is legal.

So congratulations to all New Yorkers who will be able to legally exchange vows with the person he or she loves. For those who have children or who want to have children in the future, this important step will secure legal safeguards for the children who are born from those unions.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/25/nyregion/gay-marriage-approved-by-new-york-senate.html?_r=2&hp

THE PAIN OF THE “PARENTING HOLIDAYS” FOR THE PRE-PARENT: MOTHER’S DAY AND FATHER’S DAY

When I was a little girl, I remember putting rolled up socks in my undershirt to create the “breasts” that a mommy has. This made playing house that much more authentic. Although it was hard to recruit the little boys in the neighborhood to join in, it was not impossible. Yet their resistance was not a statement about not wanting to be a father some day, but rather that the game itself didn’t resonate with a young boy’s typical need for more rigorous physical activity in play than females.

Reproduction is germane to being alive, human or otherwise. It sometimes seems that you are surrounded by babies: birds, bees, dogs, sloths, and more galling than anything, your friends or neighbors who aren’t sure that they want a baby but find themselves pregnant by accident. And as the cynical expression goes, you’re born, you grow up, you pay taxes, you reproduce, and you die. That is, everyone and everything reproduces but you. There is only one word to describe the infertility experience: agony.

So many articles on infertility lay out all of the feelings that cascade from the situation, and conclude with a statement about feeling out of control. To me, the centerpiece of this emotional agony is feeling out of control. The one thing that you long for the most, you cannot have. Whether this creates (a normative, but arduous) anxiety for you, or depression, marital imbalance, or friction in the family, the workplace or in friendships, these symptoms take a back seat to the sometimes protracted amount of time that resolution of the infertility struggle can take. And the bottom line of that results in the feeling of being painfully out of control with no end in sight.

Now add to this Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. This is an emotional ordeal because parenthood is what you want so much for yourself. It can be even more painful if you either want to or are expected to honor your parent in a setting which is a gathering of siblings, in-laws and maybe “out-laws” who show up with their babies, toddlers and/or bellies.

I take the position that in your circumstances, you need to be protected from the salt that would unwittingly be rubbed in your wound by people who might very well want the best for you, but do not have the emotional sophistication to access from within them what sensitivity you need from them. Or they may have no awareness of the need for sensitivity because you haven’t shared the struggle with them, probably for some very good reason. Given all of this, what form does protection take?

Sometimes, protection means simply not showing up. As a young couple, you might not have the clarity or the experience of setting boundaries around yourselves as “a couple”, free to and entitled to write your own script according to your needs. This takes a willingness to be straightforward and expect those who love you to respect your decision. It doesn’t mean that you do not honor or love your parent; it does mean that Mother’s day and Father’s day is an arbitrary social declaration. You can arrange for a private time with each mother and father and bypass the hoopla that is more a boon to Hallmark than anything else. In a more realistic world, any day or every day can be mother’s/father’s day.

But protection can mean something else, exemplified in this story. I recently had a conversation with a woman who was in one of the mind/body support groups that I run for New York City RESOLVE, a national organization that provides advocacy, educational seminars and support of all kinds for infertility patients. She called to tell me that she was pregnant. Among other things, I asked her if the experience of having been
in the group last year had made a difference. She said, “Absolutely!” I asked how. She said that what she learned from me and the whole gestalt of the group experience “gave her the stamina to just keep going.”

The strength implied in the word stamina is very important when it comes to coping with stress. And no one would debate that infertility ranks way up there in the stress department. Every one wants life to be easy. It isn’t. Everyone wants safety and stability. This is a sensible goal, but a more sensible goal is to expect the unexpected which can ruin the best laid plans. But if you have stamina, you’ve got most of what you need in this unpredictable world. No doubt you never predicted that you would be dealing with infertility.

There are all kinds of strength, all valuable. The stamina to “pull up your socks and get on with it” figures in heavily in the “job” of bringing the fertility struggle to resolution by whatever means. This kind of strength protects you from giving up too soon. If my patient hadn’t forged ahead, her doctor never would have discovered the heretofore undiagnosed disorder that, when corrected, yielded a pregnancy the next month.

Another kind of strength surpasses all others as far as I am concerned. It is the inner strength of self-esteem. This is easier said than done. We all have wounds from our early years to a greater or lesser degree. These wounds handicap us a little or a lot in the formation of a healthy sense of assertiveness, entitlement, ability to communicate, ability to relax, to know what we feel, to see things clearly, and to take on challenges without feeling victimized. Infertility is so demanding that however emotionally healthy we may have been before, now we need every ounce of inner strength we can muster to navigate the process successfully.

The good news is that however you may have been handicapped, and however infertility throws your need for emotional growth into high relief, you may be one of those people/couples who come out of the experience stronger. Any aspect of self-esteem or inner strength that is needed is a skill which can be learned, practiced and integrated.

The challenge of infertility is raised exponentially at certain times, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day among them. It is highly recommended that rather than getting lost in your grief and upset, take it as an opportunity to get a panoramic view (best accomplished with a seasoned therapist) of what skills you and your partner need to develop or enhance so that you can be among those who come out of the experience with both a family and a clearer sense of your strength and capacities.

Helen Adrienne, LCSW, BCD
Psychotherapist, Clinical Hypnotherapist,
Practitioner of Mind/Body Therapy
420 East 64th Street – 1D(East)
New York, New York 10065
212-758-0125
helen@mind-body-unity.com
www.mind-body-unity.com 

Here are some reviews (from Amazon) about two books we highly recommend:

How to Make Love to a Plastic Cup by Greg Wolfe, a California high school teacher

In Greg Wolfe's book, he makes it clear that whether or not there is a diagnosis of male infertility, infertility is a couple's problem. And sometimes men can seem very disconnected from the process because the focus usually is on their wife or girlfriend. This laugh-out loud book is written from the perspective of a guy who has "been there," but can be enjoyed as a couple. You can't help but chuckle and remember medical terminology when he writes witty lines like "IVF: Its Very Frustrating" or a "Menstrual Cycle Built for Two." Thanks, Greg, for infusing humor in such a tasteful way -- even for a guy -- into an otherwise emotionally-fraught topic.

I bought this book after my husband experienced fertility issues while conceiving our second child. I honestly have not laughed so hard in a long time. My husband is not a big reader, but after reading a few excerpts to him, he picked it up and couldn't put it down. Plus, the information is right-on with personal stories from the author's own struggles which I think helped my husband relate to. I highly recommend this book for men (and their wives) struggling with fertility problems!

What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting: How to Support Your Wife, Save Your Marriage, and Conquer Infertility! by Marc Sedaka. Does his surname sound familiar? It should. He's the son of legendary songwriter Neil Sedaka

With all due respect to that other reviewer, the book is called "What HE Can Expect When SHE'S Not Expecting", so it should come as no surprise that SHE'S the one with the issue. Obviously there are a lot of books about female infertility, and there are also a lot of books about male infertility. But this is the ONLY book I have found that helps a man understand and deal with his WIFE'S infertility... and, as far as I'm concerned, that's what makes the book so special. It is a much different scenario when it is you, the woman, who has to deal with the shame and the embarrassment of infertility, and I commend the husband who wrote this for so eloquently expressing to other men (in a way they'll understand and appreciate) what it is we go through. My husband read it last night and I already see a change in him. True to it's subtitle, I do believe it can help a man "support his wife, save his marriage, and [I can only hope and pray] conquer infertility!"

So if you are looking for a book to give your husband or partner to let him know you appreciate his love and support and to show him you understand he has feelings too, please consider these books. 

RESOLVE has made it easy. Click on this link to learn how to advocate for the infertility community.  Even though we had mandated coverage in Massachusetts, many out-of-pocket expenses for services like egg donation are not always covered in full by insurance.

Family Act of 2011, S 965

• Short Description of the Bill: A bill to create a tax credit for the out-of-pocket costs associated with infertility medical treatment has been introduced in the U.S. Senate by Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (NY).   Aptly named the Family Act of 2011, S 965, this bill will potentially help thousands of people seek medical treatment that otherwise would be out of reach for them.

• The American Fertility Association Blog: Surviving Mother's Day and Father's Day by Judith Kottick, LCSW
• RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association: Copying with Mother's Day and Father's Day
• Fertility Authority: Two Renowned Therapists Andrea Braverman, Ph.D., and Carolyn Berger, LCSW, Provide Sage Advice

Ms. Zoll has compiled a great list of National Infertility Awareness Week activities. You'll discover there are many ways you can be engaged regardless of whether you are open about your infertility or are not ready to reveal this very private matter. Here is a sample of her suggestions:

• Blog carnivals: If you have a blog or are thinking of starting one, there are several NIAW-themed blog contests where you can submit your writing or admire the works of others who are expressing their feelings in this lively interactive realm.
• Social media awareness campaigns: If you're active on Facebook and Twitter, add a Twibbon to your profile or publicize the hashtags #sharehope and #NIAW.< /p>
• Virtual book club: The Law Offices of Amy Demma is organizing a virtual book club about Jodi Picoult's latest novel, Sing You Home, which is all about infertility, same sex family building and frozen embryos.
• Giveaways and promotions: National Infertility Awareness Week is a good time to snag some of the latest books or other infertility items. The Fertility Blogs is holding raffles all next week and The IVF Companion, a treatment cycle organizer, is offering discounts during NIAW.

So thank-you Keiko for breaking it down for our readers. Here is the link to Keiko's NIAW blog. Peruse her site and read some of her other insightful posts. You're sure to become a fan and regular reader.